What a Doula meant to me as a father - by Jamie Neil

The role of a male partner during pregnancy and labour can be fraught with tension and fear simply because the easy perception to make is that it is all, about the mother and child, and you aren't supposed to be weak or vulnerable, but strong, calm and 'there'. You feel unable to ask what might be seen as 'silly' questions, you certainly don't feel you can offload any worries onto the mother's bulging 'to do' list.

However, simply the act of us meeting with Rachel in the beginning took away a lot of the fear and doubt, and enabled me to discuss with Anne-Marie, much more meaningfully, the details of the journey we were about to undertake. Certainly, I was able to confidently back up Anne-Marie's wishes and requirements in an increasingly pressurised ante-natal environment.

We got the natural, serene birth we had hoped for, and I truly believe that our Doula, Rachel, had a direct impact on this. She was always available to answer questions and for impartial advice, and her voice was heard whenever we calmly and quietly stuck to our guns. As a result, due to the fact that the birth happened so quickly and we weren't able to call her in time to be there, we felt she was still a steady, calming presence in the birth suite.

So, my advice to any fathers to be out there...a Doula isn't 'just for the mother and child'...a Doula is also for YOU.

My experience - Anne-Marie Draycott

As we were expecting our first baby and as we'd encountered negativity from our midwife in London about having a home birth, Jamie (my husband) and I decided to look into options that would support our decision for a home birth and also supply me with some much-needed female guidance and advice before, during and after the birth.

As it happened, when we moved to Halifax, the community midwives were much more supportive about our decision to opt for home birth, but it was still incredibly beneficial to have Rachel on board as she was able to give us lots of one-on-one advice and information during the weeks leading up to the birth.

However, where Rachel helped out the most, was when we encountered problems towards the end of my pregnancy. My waters broke two days before my due date and once I'd informed the Trust about this, I was told I had 24 hours before I would be admitted to hospital and induced. From the start of our pregnancy Jamie and I were completely against any unnecessary intervention as we were aware it can lead to a cascade of further medical intervention and, unless it was an emergency, we wanted a natural birth, preferably at home. Over the course of the next 6 days we were under mounting pressure to submit to an induction and the language and attitude of some of the medical staff gradually became more pressing and bordered on aggressive (one doctor told me I was risking the death of our child and another consultant flippantly referred to our choice for a home birth as a party'!)

However over those 6 days Rachel was invaluable in supporting us - she never told us what to do but she gave us information and put us in touch with people and organisations who could reliably counter what we were being told by the hospital. As a result, we were armed with professional information that allowed us to make an informed choice when dealing with the hospital.

As it turned out, I went into hospital 6 days later to sort out a bladder issue that was starting to cause a complication with the pregnancy and once that had been resolved, I was examined and told I was 10cm dilated! Jamie could even see the baby's head! So as the baby was ready to be born, I agreed to be whisked off (although it was more of a shuffle down the corridor) to a delivery room and Rory was born 1.5 hours later!

Although we didn't get our home birth (and the last minute shuffle to the delivery room meant we didn't have time to call Rachel to attend) we were absolutely delighted with the end result - a natural, pain-relief free birth, that wasn't unnecessarily induced - which gave us our beautiful baby boy. I don't think that would have been possible without Rachel's support as I'm pretty sure I would have caved in to the hospital's demands for earlier induction (which as it turned out, there was absolutely no need for!)

As she couldn't make the birth, Rachel also gave us an additional post-natal session, which was great as it allowed me to work through some worries which had arisen post-birth and once again she was a fabulous support and incredible source of knowledge.

I would highly recommend hiring a Doula to anyone that feels they may need some additional support during their pregnancy.