Julia from Leeds, Mother to Charlie aged 20 months and Lucia Rose born September 2008.
My first birth experience was very unpleasant. After three days of induced labour in which every type of intervention known to man took place I ended up having an Emergency Caesarean for failure to progress/fetal distress. I'd opted for an epidural on day 2 and afterwards I felt that it was in some way my fault- that my decision to have pain relief had led to me being punished by failure to progress. I felt that I had been encouraged too strongly to have an epidural and that that had caused the failure to progress. I was so exhausted that when I was eventually handed my lovely baby boy I couldn't even hold him. The exhaustion didn't pass for many months and it tarnished my enjoyment of the first few weeks. My partner who had been there for the birth did not enjoy the experience as he was terrified of being called away to work and of having to leave me there alone. He had been too busy to attend any antenatal classes with me and I knew that the birth of our first child was at a very very difficult time for him work wise. My mother who was trying very hard to help,unfortunately made my partner even more stressed. Seeing them both like that made me feel even more tense.
When I became pregnant again 1 year later I still burst into tears thinking about my first birth experience and felt cheated that I couldn't enjoy holding my baby for the first time. I was terrified that I would have a similar experience again. Julia came to see me and my partner a couple of times before the birth and we with her post-mortemed the previous experience. It was really really useful to have her there as my partner and I had never before discussed what had happened and I think he had no idea prior to that how I had felt. She covered the birth process in some detail and gave him the equivalent of a course of ante-natal classes in a short space of time in our own home.
When the baby started to come 2 weeks early Julia came to the hospital as soon as I called her which was when I was in established labour. When I was encouraged by the medical staff to give up trying and to opt for a Caesarean she gave me the confidence just by being there to say no I want to carry on labouring. When my partner was tired we were able to send him off to rest in the knowledge that she would be there with me throughout which was a great comfort to me. She made me feel much more comfortable and was very very thoughtful. I was at the point where I was sufficiently dilated to have a forceps delivery when sadly an infection took hold of me and my temperature shot dangerously through the roof and it was time for a second emergency caesarean, Julia asked the Doctors to dim the lights and to turn down the noises in the theatre so that the first person my daughter saw was my partner and his was the first voice she heard. I felt that I had given it my best shot, I felt no guilt at all.
I have recovered very very much more quickly from the Caesarean this time and think that having Julia's calm and confident presence there helped immensely. Many thanks
